I grew up a Catholic, but I’m raising my kid without religion.
Growing Up Catholic… and Something In Between
My parents had different beliefs; one was a Catholic and the other was a protestant. I’m not sure how they chose my religion, but I was baptized Catholic. As a family, we didn’t attend mass every Sunday. When I was younger, we attended the Catholic church down the road, but I don’t know how long this practice lasted. There was also a period when we attended a protestant church, which I enjoyed more because of the activities and the solid community. After a few years, we stopped attending – and I’m not sure why.
I also studied in an all-girls Catholic school like my mom and sisters. The kind of school that holds masses every first Friday of the month. It’s also where I had the sacrament of communion and the sacrament of confirmation. When I was in high school, I transferred to a non-sectarian Catholic school. Let me explain what I mean by this: it was a Catholic school first, but it went bankrupt, so a Catholic family took over. We did have occasional masses where we wore gala uniforms: all-white for the girls and white polo and black pants for the boys. I prayed in school and in the church, but my evening prayer was generic: “Please bless my family, my dad, mom, siblings, and everyone I love.” Based on this, you can say that my foundation wasn’t that solid.
When Faith Fades
In my last year of high school, I got diagnosed with epilepsy. Like any other person diagnosed with a medical condition, I questioned God – why me? Why me – someone who has great ambitions for herself? I didn’t pray to get better or to find the right medicine for me because I couldn’t accept God’s plan for me. My faith became weaker: from praying every night to just making the sign of the cross every time I pass by a catholic church to nothing. The question, “Why me?” never stopped, but the belief in God did.
Belonging to a religion is limiting. In the religion I grew up in, the basic premise is “do good”, but what’s ironic is that not all Catholics practice this. People do good because they believe they’ll go to heaven in the afterlife. Me? I believe that heaven and hell don’t exist. The concept of heaven and hell is how we live our lives on earth. If you do good, you’re in heaven because you’re free from guilt. If you do bad, you’re in hell because there’s no peace of mind for you. It’s as simple as that.
The idea of committing a sin and asking for forgiveness doesn’t make sense for me. Is it okay if I don’t do good now as long as I apologize and ask for forgiveness later on?
Making It Official
To make things official, I changed my religion in my university registration form from Catholic to agnostic. At that time, I didn’t fully understand the difference between agnostic and atheist. I chose agnostic because atheist sounded too strong for me. But now with a clearer understanding of the two, I can finalize that I am agnostic.
Raising My Kid Without Religion
Raising a kid without religion in the Philippines is tricky. According to Philippine Statistics Authority, 90.3% of the country’s population identifies as Christian. It’s rare to find a non-believer around here. Luckily, my husband is a non-believer like me.
When I became a mom, I knew I didn’t want to instill a religion/belief in her because I, the mother, chose it for her. I’m giving her the liberty to choose. If, later on, she wants to be baptized in a religion of her choosing, so be it.
I remember when Little O was a few months old, my sister asked me when the baptism will be. “None.” I replied. “She should have one. Don’t feed her to the sharks,” she said. I didn’t understand it. Until now, I still don’t get her metaphorical sharks concept.
While some friends are teaching their toddlers how to pray, I was teaching Little O how to meditate. How hippie is that?
There were times when my sister would bring along Little O to bring my niece to school. After the school drop off, they’d go to the church, so my sister could pray. I asked her not to teach her how to pray because I’m still figuring out how to raise a kid without religion. All I know right now is that I’m going to teach her the religions I know, but without pushing the beliefs.
Parenting with Virtues, Not Religion
A few weeks ago, when I was looking for a book on how to raise kind kids, I stumbled upon this book, Growing Up God-less. Just the book I need! A book that can guide me on how to parent in this religious community. I’m two chapters in, and I couldn’t agree more with this book. I’ll be writing a second blog post about the things I’ll learn from this book.
But, even before finding this book, I’ve been planning to teach Little O The Virtues Project (TVP). I learned this when I was teaching at a progressive school. It consists of 60 virtues, and there are five strategies on how we can practice this in our daily lives. The two strategies that stood out for me were:
Speak the language: Mention the virtue they exhibited or should exhibit. If the house is cluttered with toys, I don’t tell Little O, “you’re messy,” but I’ll tell her to practice cleanliness.
Recognize the teachable moments: Life challenges us at times, and we can use these challenges to develop our character. At home, when Little O’s losing her patience, I ask her to practice more patience. Or sometimes, when I lose mine, I apologize and tell her, “I’m sorry I lost my patience.”
For me, virtues are the positive traits that are good for all, regardless of religious beliefs.
Parenting for Choice and Character
At the end of the day, raising Little O without religion doesn’t mean I’m raising her without guidance. Raising my kid without religion is about raising her to do good, not for heaven’s sake, but because goodness itself matters.
